How To Play Muggle Quidditch

Muggle Quidditch is actually really similar to regular Quidditch. Except, you know. We can't fly and our balls aren't enchanted.

There's an innuendo in there if you look hard enough.

So here's how it goes: 

Each team consists of 3 chasers, 2 beaters, a keeper and a seeker.
Chasers have to try and score goals by throwing the quaffle (or, slightly deflated volleyball) into one of the three hoops. The keepers have to stop them.
Beaters are armed with dodgeballs (which act as the bludgers). If a beater throws a bludger at you, you have to drop the quaffle and run back to your goals and start again.
The snitch is a person, not affiliated with any teams, dressed in yellow. All rules don't apply to them, and they can really do whatever the hell they want. The seekers have to catch them. 

You have to keep one hand on your brooms at all time, and the most important rule of all is to just have fun!